ARTISTRY OF INSULTS. All clean.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

 A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

 "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

 "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

 "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

 "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

 "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

 "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

 "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

 "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

 "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

 "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

 "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

 "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

 "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

 "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

 "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

 "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

 "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

 "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

 "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

 "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

 "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

 "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx