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Diablo View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 18:20
Hi guys, as some of you know, my Mum had been seriously ill for some time.

I had been sleeping next to her bed on the floor in the nursing home since Monday, so I could hold her hand and reassure her, feed her and give her drinks etc.

She was in a lot of pain and suffering terribly, her passing was not easy and she died in my arms at 4:30 this morning.

I am absolutely heartbroken. Me and Mum were so close, it feels like only half of me remains. It's hard to come to terms with how it all happened and I'm home now just utterly shell shocked and broken.

Rest in peace my beautiful little Mum, the kindest most gentle person I've ever known Broken Heart Broken Heart Broken Heart
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote badapple Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 18:24
Rick my heart goes out to you my friend. I know some of the troubles and also how close you were. Time will heal but for now grieve and remember. Big love mate x
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cwp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 19:42
Hi buddy.  Sorry to hear your sad news.  I've texted you mate.  We're all here for you buddy.  Cry
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote legend88 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 19:47
Condolences to you. Just remember you did the right thing being there and she will also be remembering that. The hurt will subside but the memories you have of her you will have forever
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Alwaduk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 21:59
So sorry to hear this. It's so hard to lose someone so close. Take your time to grieve and mourn and treasure the memories you have.

I'll be praying for you, kind of what i do too as i'm a Baptist minister! That you will know peace and comfort in these dark times.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote davidrsurfer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 22:50
Sorry to hear that. All the best.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote spiceweasel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2019 at 23:21
I'm with you pal,I sat with my old man for 2 days...at the time I wanted to go with him at the end,can't explain why,it's the feelings inside  and the connections we have with each other ..looking back it's not so bad I've got a lot of very good memories & certain memorabilia that keeps him still with me...I have watery eyes now,..chin up 👍🍻🍻
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote wigginsjp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 06:42
You were with her till the end and gave her all the love and comfort possible. 

Being with you was the best thing for her 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Prsv Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 08:08
Sorry for  your loss Rick.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Spoonz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 10:18
Sorry to hear the sad news.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Stevex Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 10:47
Thinking of you, my condolences.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FTM Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 11:01
My own mother passed away 2 weeks ago so I know how you're feeling. Stay strong.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aaressveeguy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 19:40
very very sad news Diablo. May she rest in peace and you have the strength to deal with this loss
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote twinfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 20:06
Hi Rick there are NO words that will help you at this time, just be sure we are all out here sending you huge hugs, hang on in there.    Paul
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sam.moz86 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 20:17
Sorry to hear this Rick .My condolences. Keep strong. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mpp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 22:08
Sorry for your loss. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 426hemi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2019 at 22:57
Nothing can hurt more than this, as you know physical pain is one thing but emotional is another thing entirely, it will always hurt but lt does get easier. My grandfather raised me from 4yrs old and when he passed it broke my heart and I can still shed tears 15 years later, remember her and pass on the good that she taught you 🙏
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote blacklines Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Mar 2019 at 09:16
Sorry for your loss
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote snowman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Mar 2019 at 13:04
Sorry to hear your loss.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diablo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2019 at 11:43
Thanks very much for your kind comments, they mean a lot.

Today I seem to be going from raw emotion to numb and back.

I can see some of you have gone through what I'm currently feeling and my best wishes to you also.

I've had an irrational fear of losing Mum since I was 12 when I lost my Dad.

Maybe they're sitting on a beach, drinking champagne and eating strawberries (her fave) together and she's excitedly telling him how we all are now we're grown.

Take care, I can't find the words.
Rick




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dog78 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2019 at 05:36
Hi Rick, we both thought that we would get more time with our mothers. Unfortunately that wasn't to be the case for either of us.  Rick i know you was a carer like me so i know how more you was involved,  that involvement comes at a price but one worth paying.  To spend that much time with a parent as a adult gives makes you very close.  So i can only appreciate how you must feel.  I only hope i can be of as much help after your loss as you were to me . 
My very best , Rich. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cwp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2019 at 12:24
Originally posted by dog78 dog78 wrote:

Hi Rick, we both thought that we would get more time with our mothers. Unfortunately that wasn't to be the case for either of us.  Rick i know you was a carer like me so i know how more you was involved,  that involvement comes at a price but one worth paying.  To spend that much time with a parent as a adult gives makes you very close.  So i can only appreciate how you must feel.  I only hope i can be of as much help after your loss as you were to me . 
My very best , Rich. 


+1 on that Rick.  You've been there for me when my dad passed.  If there's anything I can do buddy 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sabre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2019 at 14:51
Sorry to hear this, mate. I lost my Mum late last year so I feel your pain. 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bullitt1964 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Mar 2019 at 07:47
hi Rick, dog and anyone else who has lost loved ones on here sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you all  dave 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rich Simpson Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Apr 2019 at 21:12
Never easy. Lost my Dad and a job I loved both in one year.

My mum is currently living cheerfully with dementia and talking lucidly about death as 'the last great adventure'.

You can be sure you did all you could for your mum...a comfort to her to the end. And that's all you could do. In the years to come, that will be a great consolation.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tafgriff22 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Apr 2019 at 21:19
So sorry to hear your sad loss, sending condolences to you and the family mate x
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hangry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Apr 2019 at 22:42
sorry to hear your news haven't been on hear in a wile as I've had some bad news about my own mum to, that doesn't look good for the future.my sympathy for you and family. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diablo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2019 at 15:48
Once again, many thanks for your kind thoughts and comments. They mean a lot and whilst I've been struggling to do any social media since Mum went, I have looked in here and also had some very comforting messages from some of you, Rich/Dog 78, IanG, Aled/CWP, Adam to name a few. Rich has been phoning me regularly as well. Really kept my head above water, like a great old friend  (which of course he is now and I cannot thank him enough Big smile )
We don't always realise how just small things, gestures and words, make such a difference to others.
Mums funeral and everything else took a lot of planning -and sorting everything out as well was a bit of a nightmare, when one is greiving. I sat and wrote the eulogy with a picture of her in front of me, with her sitting on the lawn in the sun, smiling and stroking my old black Labrador "Flower."
I ended up writing so much, that I had to have a big editing session. I had to cut out all the emotion in it, because my brothers and I realized that we would all be in tears and sobbing our way through it. I read the last 3 or 4 paragraphs. I had a big moment in the middle, so paused, regained strength and managed it. Writing I've found has helped a lot. I've always been a scribbler, writing lyrics etc on the backs of envelopes or scraps of paper when bored.

For her funeral service, or celebration of life, we had her favourite flowers and hymns. We had a choir to sing with us to get people really singing. Sounded really nice. Her grandchildren read Mum's favourite poems, and my brothers and I all read parts of the eulogy I did. Lots of people including extended family etc all came. Everything was spot on and we gave her the best send off. The burial was 10 miles away from the service, in the picturesque village of Old Warden where I grew up.
She has been buried with my Dad in the lovely old churchyard at the top of the hill there.
At the wake there was so many people who wanted to talk with me, I could barely stop and think, but people said such nice things.

Then the thing that has truly blown my life apart at the moment. One of my Mums old and close friends asked if she could talk to me in private. So we went outside and she sat me down and said "Your father isn't who you think he is. Your father is a farmer from up north........."
She gave me other details, but could not tell me who exactly. The thing is everything fits.
I think Mum wanted to tell me, but there was never the right time.
My Dad will always be my Dad. He died suddenly when I was 12 -and not one day goes by that I don't think of him.
I'm doing a Y-chromosome test with my eldest brother. The Y-chromosome is always passed down the male side of the family. I've thought about everything and I know ours are going to come back different.
It does not alter anything in terms of how much I love Mum etc, not one bit. These things happen. But it has given me a lot of anxious and upsetting thoughts, because I think Dad found out. I can remember something big and lots of tears, then they both became super close and we moved about 300 miles. The thing is, What did he think when he looked at me? Was I a constant reminder to him of personal pain?
All these questions, have made it harder to get on with grief and coming to terms with it all. But I'm just trying to take it a day at a time at the moment. I had too much time to think, so been trying to keep myself busy with small jobs that have been put off (of which I have hundreds, we also need to paint and hull black the narrowboat this summer, which is always a biggie)

Mum was a christian, so the service and eulogy reflected her faith.























Thank you all again. It's been a difficult time and I'm having okay days and bad days. I know above all else, she would have wanted me to be happy and I have to remember that.

I can see a lot of you have been, or are also going through this and I extend a hand of friendship to you all, if you ever need a chat.

Rick



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote flatlander Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2019 at 19:37
many sincere condolences to anyone going tgrough something like this.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cwp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2019 at 20:12
Nice one Rick.  Your dad would have thought of you as his mate.  Always here for you buddy.  I've found that when I get on a downer with missing my dad I write to him in a journal I have. I find it helps.  I'll pm you on messenger mate.  Keep on keeping on my friend 
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